


The Take Over, The Break's Over

by Anonymous



Series: Inside a Mind of Clouded Sky [3]
Category: Game Grumps
Genre: Amnesia, Blood, Depression, F/M, Marriage Proposal, Memory Loss, NSFW, Sex, Slurs, Suicidal Thoughts, vague descriptions of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-10 17:36:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7854628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even if you decide to live in the now and accept who you are giving up on who you used to be, the past can still haunt you. Can you repair the life that you want to share with Dan or will your car crash nightmare spell the end of everything that you have both past, present and future?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I'm boring but overcompensate

Dan?” I rolled over that morning slipping my arm around the waist of the man next to me kissing his spine pressing my body close trying to wake him up. “Danny?”  
“Mmmngh?” He didn’t sound terribly impressed with my early morning routine but he never was on the days where I would get out of bed before him.  
Which was most of them.

“Dan guess what?”  
“What?”  
“I’m gettin’ maaaaarriiiieeedd~” I sang continuing to pepper his back with kisses. “To the most loving, hansom, wonderful, gentle, funny, man on the planet~”  
“Really?” He rolled over now rolling on top of me. “I could have sworn I was the one who proposed yesterday, but I mean if you got a better offer…“  
I shut him up with kisses “Dummy~”  
“Well If I’m a dummy and you’re marrying me what does that make you?”  
“Someone with low standards, clearly.”  
“Ah!” He pulled back making a hurt noise. “Who is this cruel woman? Where is my sweet lady? Hmm? Where is she?” 

I laughed as his fingers tickled at my sides and his scruffy face scratched against my neck. 

“So who did you tell before you asked me?”  
“Arin, Barry, and Brian. Arin probably told Suzie by now, and Brian probably told everyone else. And Avi, so Deb’ll know by now, I mean they knew I was thinking of it around Hanukkah but they’ll be excited to know I finally balled up and that you said yes.”  
“Wait… Is that why your Dad kept smiling at me like a goon the whole time we were there?”  
“Probably yeah.”

I smiled but I felt a little sad, I wanted to dance around and tell everyone we knew, to have someone jump up and down and scream with me in surprise that this could happen. But all of my friends and people I now considered family were Dan’s friends and actual family, I had no one to tell that he probably hadn’t told or had been told by someone else. But even that little bit of sadness couldn’t cloud the joy I felt knowing that I was going to be loved by this lanky, scruffy, goofball of a man for the rest of our lives.

In the end there was plenty of screaming and jumping up and down done at the office anyway.

Mostly by Arin.


	2. (NSFW) Then these are just conjugal visits

“Happy birthday to you~”

Once you get to a certain age birthday parties don’t hold that big of an appeal, not like they do when you're a kid, having all your friends over, running around, the games, the presents, the food.

“Happy birthday to you~”

Still Dan didn’t mind having a little something done for his birthday now-and-again, occasionally he went back home to do something with his family, usually he stayed and did something with his ‘family’ in LA, a little office party, a night out of Karaoke, a favourite restaurant with friends.

“Happy birthday Mr. Avidan~”

And he’d gotten some of that on the weekend of his birthday this year too, and he assume the little Godzilla statue Thea had bought him was going to be the extent of his presents and was happy for it.

“Happy birthday to you~”

Not that he was looking this gift horse in the mouth either.

Well in this case, he was the horse.

Laid back on their bed, hands running between her soft stockings and her even softer thighs, Thea had /told/ him to strip the minute he got in the door and looking at her there was no speed at which his clothing could have been shucked fast enough.

Black neglige, stockings and garter, boots that hugged up her calf.

“Are you going to make me get down and lick those because… I might.” The last part came out as a breathy squeak. Being dominated wasn’t really his kink and she looked some cross between sweet and sexy, like she’d step on your face but only if you asked and said ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ while doing it.

In the end she banged his knee with her booted toe so they tossed them to the side of the room but he appreciated the aesthetic while it lasted.

“Tell me what you want birthday boy.” She asked as if she didn’t know with how his dick was leaking all over her pretty panties while she ground into him.  
“Fuck babygirl, I want you to fucking ride me like Aslan.”

The momentary tilt of her head let him know that reference soared right over her but she understood where he was going, reaching between them, teasing his cock, while she pulled a condom out of her bra to slide onto him while he tugged at the strings on the side of her panties to get them off. (He was getting to appreciate those easy-to-untie type of underwear on her.) 

She moans sliding him into her, Dan gabbing at her ass to hold her there, just wanting to feel her, see her like this, tits popped out with her hand braced in his stomach, mouth a little open with pleasure, that lusty look on her face with eyes only for him. 

“Oh baby.” He groans hotly hands running up to grab at her breasts, guiding her movements as she bounces.

“Touch yourself babe, fuckin’ I wanna see you cum.” He growls and sits up, tugging another pillow behind his back so he can enjoy the show as she leans back, slowing a little, rolling her clit in time with her hips. He throbs at the sight, feeling a little dirty in a good way at being used like that. “God you’re so wet. So fucking beautiful.”

He pulled her hand away as she tried to cover her mouth, not letting one note of those sweet cries get muffled, holding her hand, letting her use it as balance to ride.

“Danny, oh love, oh love, Dan~” She cries his name her body tight over him and he sits up, holding her close rocking his hips for her while she bites at his shoulder shuddering in her own release. 

Shoving him down she keeps riding, faster and now more wanting, hands and mouth on him, demanding that he find his completion too. Not that it takes much with how hot he already is, pulling her down into his arms while he gives a few final thrusts, moaning into her eager mouth while she kisses him with abandon. 

Rolling over Dan’s hands and lips keep wandering, exploring every inch of the material on Thea and slowly peeling it off until he could wrap himself around her skin on skin.

“How long do I have to play with my present?”  
“Until you get tired of it I suppose.”  
“Never then… Cus I never will.”


	3. I'll always be waiting in the back room

“So have you guys talked about a date?”

I sort of hated it when people asked me vague questions. I tended to not know what they were talking about since I often had trouble continuously following conversations over the period of a day and then came up with dumb answers like;  
“For this weekend?”  
Which made Suzy and Holly both just a little confused at my answer until they caught on to where my brain was.

“Oh no we mean for the wedding!” Holly clarified. “For you and Dan, do you remember if you’ve talked about setting a date yet?”  
She was a bit better at slowing her speech and making sure I was following along with the conversation. Filling in more detail than what was usually necessary but it was better for me when she spoke that way.  
Probably why I loved her to bits.

“Ohh! Oh yes we have talked about it. Um I think we both were in agreement with a really long engagement so there’s been no real talk of dates or anything. I mean because I remember that their new CD came out… Re-cent-ly?” Dates of when exactly things happened were always fuzzy but Holly nodded so I continued “And they’re doing tour stuff and just— I know this year will be way too busy to do anything and assuming everything stays at this rate if not even more busy which it seems like it might since Dan and everyone really have been just going at it non-stop next year might not be good either, but I think if we wait much longer than that then Avi and Deb will just plan the whole thing themselves… Assuming they haven’t already.”

“Aren’t you excited to become Mrs. Avidan?”

I was excited but time was a weird thing for me now, it seemed to slip past like flowing water through my fingers, gone fast except for the clinging droplets of particular events. In a weird way things passed so slow but in other ways they went so quick so the idea of waiting until we were in a good place for the wedding didn’t bother me that much.

I knew I would probably go through the paperwork of changing my name legally to Amalthea Avidan sometime this year just anyway to get it out of the way because I also wanted to get a passport. With Dan talking of extended and possibly /world/ tours being something that could happen in the foreseeable future I wanted to go with him for those. Four days for a convention with him gone was doable for me.

A few months however?

That he’d be gone that long terrified me.

I’d talked to my therapist about the anxiety I felt when he was away, and how irrational I felt at the idea of anything longer than a week. I’d been keeping that from Dan, he did so much for me already I didn’t want to become this clingy weight around his neck, I wanted him to feel free to be able to travel and do the work he loved. But I was scared- scared that I would forget he’d left or why he’d left and that my depression would drown me, scared that he’d come home and I wouldn’t know who he was, that I’d be gone either mentally… Or physically.

I’d gotten better, a lot better, but that my life was still one giant question mark haunted me.

I wanted to remember every moment with Dan so I didn’t mind waiting for things to be perfect.


	4. Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This will be the last chapter for a few days. I'm gonna be really busy for a while and away from home so I'll see y'all when I get back with MORE SAD SACK ACTION.  
> YEEEEEEE

"Dan, I got an phone call about Thea..." Brent had pulled him aside in the office his face serious with concen.  
"Yeah and?" It wasn't usual to still get messages from the lawyer or police about her people still sending in tips or fragments of unneeded information, she was still in a weird legal kerfuffle regarding her taxes so things were still on occasion complicated.  
"They used her legal name... He's offering to send pictures, recent ones."  
"Well that's great, is he family or a friend?"  
   
"He says... He's her husband."

—

“Thea I need to talk to you.”  
“Yeah just let me finish th—“  
“Now.” He interrupted in a tone that I’d never heard from him before making my head snap up.  
He looked…  
Angry?

I didn’t know why my heart suddenly jumped right into my throat, I’d never seen him legitimately angry before. Sure he’d play at being mad, maybe he’d get a little bit steamed when jokes went too far, I’d certainly see him frustrated enough times when dealing with the whole slew of issues surrounding the police and legal offices when trying to learn who I was, or renewing my ID once we did find out. (Not fun let me tell you)

But never, /Angry./

“Did you know?”  
“Know what?”  
“That you’re married already?”

I went quiet- very, deeply confused at what he was asking, feeling a cold dread wash over me, how much time had I lost? I remembered him proposing to me, hesitant plans being made for a wedding but… 

He said that name, the name of the woman that I used to be and it felt like a slap.  
“—Did you know you were married?”  
“What? No… I’m not…”

I flinched away from him as he said that old name again, grating in my ears, stepping back from him as he stepped forward.

“I need you to really think, to really try to remember, do you remember being married? At all? Anything?” He pressured backing me up until he realized what he was doing. Anger melted away to frustration into apologetic concern. “I’m sorry, Thea— Babe I’m sorry it’s okay it’s not your fault, I’m sorry I’m being an asshole, fuck I’m sorry.”

I’d started to panic, started to shut down and breath heavy, my mind swimming as his arms wrapped around me, but I couldn’t relax against him, confused and scared I pulled at my hair trying to do as he asked.

I was married? Was I still married? How could this be coming about now? It had been two years since I’d lost that person I was before and only now some husband was coming out of the woodwork?  
“It can’t. I can’t. I’m not. I’m not. I don’t—“  
“Hey hey shhshhshh I know I’m sorry, don’t, don’t.” He took my hands away from my head holding me tighter. “I know it’s a lie. It’s gotta be a lie, just some fucker who’s trying to get something from you, I’m sorry I doubted you, I got scared and was being dumb.”

I felt scared too, unable to relax no matter how much Dan tried to sooth me, pushing away from him, I pretended to be okay but just needing to leave, needing to either think this through or squirrel away long enough to try and let it fade until I forgot.

Things that I would remember, things that I would forget… This wasn’t one that would just go away.

I didn’t remember being with any other man other than Dan, couldn’t remember any love but his, and yet I was married? I’d found someone before that I felt this way for?  
It scared me, that all these feelings I had right now for Dan could disappear, that one day I could lose them so completely like I’d lost them for this other person. That one day in my mind Dan really could just stop existing.

What if it wasn’t a lie? What if there was someone else out there who had been missing me? Had been missing the person I was?

How could I dare to ask Dan to help me with something like this? 

How could anyone help me?


	5. But don't pretend you'll ever forget 'bout me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember how last chapter I said I wouldn't update in like 2 or 3 days if not longer?  
> Okay now, this is the last chapter for a while, was busy today but I had this chapter finished yesterday, had a minute to plug through a little bit of the next chapter today but tomorrow? ehhh Might actually get a bit done, the next day depends on how tired I am, next day? I'm back to work so yeah, vacation is officially over and updates are gonna get hella fuzzy.

“That you don’t remember anything? Is that what you’ve been telling these people?”

Thea looked away, anger welling up inside her chest making her throat tight. She came here with Dan to meet the man who was claiming to be her husband, she didn’t want to come at all, and didn’t really want to come with Dan, but he’d insisted, not wanting her to be alone and not wanting anyone else there either.  
She hadn’t really recognized him even when they came into the cafe, just felt a chilling sense of unease when a large man close to the back wall had gotten up and came over, trying to give her a hug that she limply accepted keeping close to Dan to prevent the man from pushing her to sit next to him or to cut Dan out of the conversation. The man, Brandon, as he finally introduced himself when Dan pointedly asked, bullheadedly refused to believe that she didn’t remember him, talking instead about how she worried him, how he forgave her for leaving but wouldn’t she come home now, finally getting upset when after she’d politely listened to everything he had to say, she explained again she didn’t know him, or any of the people he was talking about.

“I /don’t/ remember anything, I’ve got three doctors and enough CAT scan’s telling everyone what I have, this isn’t some joke for me.”  
She could tell without even looking up that he was now looking at Dan for confirmation even though he’d been pointedly ignoring Dan the entire time, Dan’s face was set in an unfamiliar serious look, his hand giving her’s a squeeze.

“Dude I’ve been with her for the last two years, I /saw/ the accident happen. But beyond that, what I want to know is, why the fuck haven’t you been looking for her in all that time? If you’re ‘supposedly’ her husband, where the hell have you been?” Dan made a one handed air quote his tone lightly mocking, reflecting the disbelief that her marriage was true. Dan had taken the road that while Brandon clearly knew her he had his serious doubts on the nature of their relationship, but still with the amount of photo’s and information the other man had it was hard to find an excuse not to at least meet with him.

Brandon didn’t look phased by the accusation, instead pushing the file he already had in front of him over. It had a wedding certificate in it, photo’s of Thea and him, not many but enough to establish that they did know each-other, photo’s of a hospital room, the two of them dressed in their wedding finery with a woman in a bed…

“That’s…” Thea remembered her face, she had that woman’s face in her mind the moment that she woke up in the hospital. 

Her mother.

“We got married so she could see one of her children get married before she died. But we’d been talking about before that anyway.”  
“She’s dead?” She couldn’t hear the answer but knew that her mother was gone, knew it was something that she’d been denying, pointedly refusing to remember, but knew it was true even before she came here.

Still it felt like someone had stabbed her in the chest, one of the clearest faces of her past, someone that when she thought of all she felt was love coming from that memory, every fragmented thought with her in it had been a precious one and now?  
Now she’d never get to meet and get to know this woman again. Now all she was, was a faded memory that Thea could no longer trust her mind to keep.

“I think this is enough for today.” Dan offered quietly, putting an arm around Thea’s shaking shoulders taking one of the napkins off the table to get her to catch the tears already falling off her face. Dan had been avoiding touching her while they were there, not that he was huge on public affection but today a part of him wanted to, wanted to hold her hand and stroke her hair, give her unnecessary attention to show this interloper that Thea was his.  
But the reasonable part of him held back, fully realizing what a dick move that would be.

“No.” Brandon said, his voice like a hammer. “I came here to find out why she left, I didn’t look for her for a long time because I couldn’t. I’m in the military and was sent out to help protect this country and I come back to find my house empty and my wife gone. Now I find her a state over shacked up with some other guy? Her mother’s been dead for four years now, my /wife/ is sitting right here and I want her to come home.”  
“Look buddy—“  
“I am not your fucking buddy.”  
“Woah there. Okay, look, Thea—“  
“That is not her name.”  
“Yeah. It is.” Dan now looked at Brandon, no longer playing a peacemaker but angry in his own right. “She /doesn’t/ know you, she might never remember who you are. All /we/ know is that she was gone for two years before you went to the police, and I know that /maybe/ you were gone, and /maybe/ there were things happening between the two of you that you don’t want to bring up right now that /maybe/, in another time and place you could have come home and worked out whatever was going on, but that ship has sailed. /Thea/ is not your wife. She’s not that woman you knew, that lady is gone and she’s not coming back.”

Brandon’s jaw set and he just stared silently at the pair of them for a moment, brows furrowed in a way that with the colour of his eyes Dan had the idle thought that he kind of looked like Brian in his younger years. A thought that stirred a memory that he couldn’t quite grasp but felt important. 

“She has family, we’re worried about her, we should be the ones to take care of her…” He ground out a little roughly.  
“We can meet with them, with all of you, whenever we can.” Dan offered, “but she’s not going with you. Not today.” He didn’t add the internal ‘not ever’ 

“I’m sorry, I can’t.” Thea put out in a small voice, able to speak again even if she still couldn’t stem the tears still falling from her eyes. “I’m—“ She waved a hand around the side of her head, mostly letting Dan know that he focus was slipping and she was stressing out. “I’m sorry, I can’t deal with anymore today, I’m sorry.”

Taking a deep breath Brandon calmed, remembering now that she was there and he wasn’t just in some pissing contest with Dan.  
“Fine. I’ll call when I can get the time to come back, and I will tell your brother where you are. He’ll want to see you too.” He stood up first.  
“Do you want—“ Dan motioned to the file and the pictures.  
“Keep em, maybe she’ll remember something.” His tone was just on the edge of mocking Dan, a strange sort of threat that actually did worry him, that she’d remember.  
That she’d chose to go back to him.  
“Your Dad’s in the hospital, even if you ‘don’t remember him’ you might want to head to Seattle to at least say goodbye or something, if you care.”

With that he marched out at a quick pace not caring to look back. There were enough people staring at the table having been ‘not listening’ to every word of the dramatic confrontation. 

The way he spoke made Thea sink like a rock into the darkest parts of her mind, that inner swamp hissing voices at her telling her that maybe she was willfully forgetting, that she was being selfish, that she should have searched harder for who she was. It ate away inside her until everything hazed over and she realized she was back at the house, Dan talking to her like he was echoing through a cave.

“Do… We have work today?” Pieces of her mind slogged through the dark, a headache cutting away at her focus, “My eyes are itchy…” 

Worry prickled at her as she looked at Dan who looked at her with a sad tired appearance. 

“Work’s— Work’s done for today baby, we’re home now.”

“Oh… That’s good. I’m really sleepy.” Sleepy and she felt a little worried, a fading emotion because Dan looked…

“Lets get you to bed lovely. You’ve had a rough day.”


	6. We don't fight fair

“I didn’t like him.” Dan was pacing in his living room talking to Barry and Arin who had both come over at Dan’s request, wanting someone to vent at about the previous day at the cafe with Thea’s so-called ‘husband’ 

“Well I mean you kind of wouldn’t, just throwing that out there to start, you want to marry Thea and he is a big fat roadblock directly in the way of that.” Barry tried to be a little level headed but the look Dan gave him made him add a “And he’s a gigantic douchbag for it.”

“It’s not just that… Okay well it is a lot that, but I don’t know I just get these vibes off of him like, I don’t know— like he didn’t entirely care about Thea’s health or condition just that he got to ‘win’ at getting her back or something? I dunno, I Dunno! Maybe I’m just trying to make him into the asshole so that I’m not the bad guy because I don’t want Thea to ever talk to him again. Am I being the dick here? Like is that a little possessive of me?”

Arin made a high pitched, drawn out “Ehhh” and wibbled his hand in a ‘so-so’ kind of fashion. Barry just shrugged, both actions made Dan throw his hands up with a “Well shit then.”

“I mean bro, think about it from his point of view, imagine you came back from a con and she was just gone, and when you find her she’s with him and doesn’t even know your name, wouldn’t you be a little douchy towards the guy she was with and a little salty at her? I mean as far as he knows this is just some kind of a trick, we still don’t know much about he nature of her relationship with him, maybe he thinks she’s a scam artist trying to pull one over on him, maybe they had a great relationship and he thinks you just did something to her, maybe he is the biggest doucheknuckle in the world and she was trying to get the fuck away from him when she got hit, we don’t know.” Arin tried the reasonable route as well getting Dan to finally sit down.

“What does Thea think? How is she dealing with this?” Barry put in.

“She’s… Not doing good. Got up this morning like nothing was wrong and then asked me if we were meeting Brandon today, when I told her we did already and showed her the pictures she got really quiet, kind of puttered around on autopilot for a while and then went back to bed.” Dan ran a hand through his hair leaning back on the sofa feeling frustrated at everything. “I don’t know what to do so… I called Dr Montgomery and got her in for an appointment tomorrow, she might need to go back on medication again because I think the stress of this is just to much for her.”  
“I’m sorry buddy…”  
“Yeah, she’s been doing so good lately and then this happens and it’s like— fuck it’s like we’re back to square one and I’m—“ Dan put his head down pulling at his own hair while he thought. “I’m scared, what if she leaves? What if she gets worse? Like we’ve got so much stuff going on right now and then this just piled up on top of it like fuck… I’m freaking out.”  
“Dude you know if you need anything, more time off, money, help, just name it and we’ll all be there. You’re not alone in this Dan.” Arin’s hand went around his shoulders.  
“Thanks Arin… Just— Thank you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this will be the last chapter for... Possibly a month, maybe until December.  
> I've got a lot of things on the go coming up and I could make time to update but really on the scale of "Shit I should be doing" writing is so far in the back of that list I am kind of forcing myself to ignore it because there are other things I could be doing with this time that I NEED to be doing with this time. (Because I love writing this but boy is it a time sink) 
> 
> So comment lots! What do you think should happen next? I'm kind of at a cross-roads for how things should go.  
> -Should Thea buck up and deal with all this or fall deeper into depression?  
> -Should Dan get increasingly agitated by it and question their relationship and if it's worth it?  
> -Should Thea remember Brandon? Should this be a good thing or a bad thing?  
> -Should the judge dealing with the divorce case here be understanding of the extenuated circumstances or try to punish Thea for Adultery or try to demand that Thea and Brandon take counselling and work things out before deciding?  
> -Should Brandon be a dick about not wanting the divorce or be a dick not wanting a disabled wife or stop being a wet nutsack about the whole thing and realize that Thea is not the woman he married and just sign the divorce papers as a "no fault" divorce.  
> -Should Thea's brother be a good guy or an ass? Should he be on Thea's side of this or Brandon's?  
> -Should zombies just show up and eat everyone?
> 
> Let me know what y'all might wanna see.


	7. Baby, seasons change but people don't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guess who stayed up until 4am and then woke up at 6am to write this crap?
> 
> ME.
> 
> REMEMBER HOW THERE'S OTHER STUFF I NEED TO BE DOING?  
> REMEMBER HOW I JUST STARTED THE FIC "DOG RUN"  
> HAHAHA GUESS WHO'S ALSO GOT ANOTHER TWO FICS ON THE BACKBURNER?
> 
> HAHAH  
> HAHAHAHAH  
> *SETS SELF ON FIRE*

“So… She goes by Thea now?”

Thea had seen her therapist who placed her on some anti-anxiety medication to help her stress but encouraged her to meet with her brother, to rebuild her past and see if it would awaken more areas of her damaged brain. Thea’s brother David called not long after they met with Brandon asking to meet with her, wanting to explain why he hadn’t been looking for her, what her life had been.

And Dan wanted to see if he was someone they could trust since he felt all kinds of bad vibes from Brandon.

They met at a different cafe from the one they met Brandon at, Dan a little embarrassed after the scene at the first place.

The moment they saw him David reminded Dan a little bit of Barry, mostly in shape and kind of mellow feeling around him, Dan could also smell a little something familiar and nostalgic in the air around him that made Dan smile, greeting him with a handshake and a “You must be hungry,” with a giggly wink that got David giggling as well, “You look like a guy who would know the feeling.”  
“Oh, not for a while but I’ve been there buddy.” 

David was in every way the opposite of Brandon. Mellow and easy to talk to, chill but also a little weird about Thea, while Brandon had ignored Dan, David was addressing mostly Dan, not sure how to treat Thea until she spoke up for herself.

“Yeah, I didn’t know my name for a very long time and now I just don’t feel comfortable with it. It’s short for Amalthea.”  
“Amalthea…. Amalthea… Ohh like that Unicorn movie?”  
She nodded, “You know it?”  
“Duh, god you made me watch that movie with you until the tape ran out when we were kids!”  
“Are you older than me?”  
That kind of threw David off making him look at Dan again, surprised by the fact that she genuinely didn’t know. Dan just nodded and gave a little shrug trying to encourage him to address Thea and not talk at her through Dan. David wasn’t the only person who on occasion noticed something ‘off’ about Thea and would immediately try to talk through those around her instead of her directly. 

“She really doesn’t remember dude, like bits and pieces but not really.”

“So you don’t remember that you owe me like $50?” 

“You are so full of shit.” Thea immediately snapped back but with a smile seeing the sparkle of him trying poorly to trick her in his eye. David laughed, not mad that he’d been caught.   
“Well I tried. Uh not older, I’m 5 years younger so you pushed a lot of your hobbies on me when we were kids. We have an older sister too, Mable, but you and her neeeever got along. She didn’t even come when you got marr— uh…” David’s eyes kind of flicked to Dan looking a little uncomfortable making Dan look between David and Thea.  
“What?”  
“Brandon uh… Might have said some things about you and thiiiss whole…” David hand-waved between Thea and Dan.

“What did he have to say?” Dan sounded uncharacteristically cold leaning back from the conversation, crossing his arms. He relaxed a little, realizing he was being a bit of an ass when Thea put a gentle hand on his leg.

“Nothing I’d repeat really, but he was kinda pissy. I mean that’s not terribly unusual for him, in fact I was sort of surprised to hear from him, or you.” 

“Why?” Thea asked frowning, David seemed very kind and personable, she couldn’t imagine that he’d want to cut anyone out of her life… Not unless she was a bad person.

“Well… After Mom died you kinda had a falling out with Dad and Mable— I mean you guys all never really got along, Dad was super military and so was Mable wanting to follow in his /grand/ footsteps. When we were kids you were just quiet and shy and when you went to university you started coming out of that shell and just rammed right up against Dad because well you were super anti-military in a time where that’s just… Yikes. I mean not that I blame you, that whole industry is suuuper fucked man. But after Mom you just kinda had enough with their shit and stopped contacting us. Well them, and I got caught a bit in the crosshairs since at the time I was still living with Dad and I wasn’t about to say shit.”

“If she was so anti-military how did she wind up with Brandon?” Dan asked trying his best not to sound huffy or even all that interested.

“Well, I mean she… Sorry you, kinda knew him from just around base anyway, he was a military kid too so we’d run into his family here and there even though we moved around a lot. You guys— I dunno it’s not like we talked much about your love life, I’m pretty sure you never even had one until him, but Mom kinda pushed the two of you together, probably because Dad was getting huffy that he thought you were a lesbian and wouldn’t stand to have some… Well I won’t repeat what I’ve heard him say but so you started to date Brandon and you were really on again off again because he was joining the military and you were really against that but some days he’d sell you on the necessity of it considering your families and other days you just couldn’t stand all that toxic hyper-masculine bullshit, so you’d break up for months, then get back together again, and so on until Mom got sick.”

“When was that?”

“Uhh like 5-ish years ago? She got sick and about 3 years ago she died. You’d been off with Brandon for like almost a year before she got ill because you moved up to Washington but once Mom got sick you just dropped everything to come take care of her. Convinced Dad to get her into a hospital in Washington because they had a really good care centre there and you’d been in the area a while. Brandon got himself stationed there and you guys got back together again and when it looked like Mom really wasn’t going to make it he proposed so she could see one of us get married before… Well…”

Thea was looking at her hands, clenched a little too tight around Dan’s but he wasn’t about to complain.

“Brain— She had a brain tumour wasn’t it?”   
“Yeah.”  
Thea nodded and Dan could catch a very soft and sad “I remember.”  
He wished she didn’t.

“After she died you had a massive falling out with Mable for not being there to help care for her, hell she only came back for the funeral really, and Dad sided with Mable because y’know she was ‘defending the country’ so couldn’t possibly be expected to take a single day off for the entirety of two years of her own mother dying to come see her.” He rolled his eyes sounding just as sour as Thea was suddenly feeling. “That whole thing was a massive fucking shitshow, so when Brandon basically whisked you away to where-ever you kinda stopped contacting everyone in the family and I didn’t think much of it. Like you e-mailed me once that Brandon was finally taking you on a belated honeymoon and you were excited for it because he said things were going to change and you were hoping he was going to get out of the military and that would fix things, I dunno. I told you to send me pictures and well… Then I got nothing. E-mailed you a few times, e-mailed Brandon once like last year and he said you and him had a big fight and you were being an absolute bitch about it and then suddenly I’m getting a call from the police asking if they know where you were, god that scared the shit out of me I thought Brandon had killed you to be honest… Shortly after that I get a call from Brandon saying you’ve been ‘found’ in L.A shacked up with some dirty hippy, no offence bro”  
“None taken”  
“And supposedly couldn’t remember anything. So yeah… There’s been your life in a nutshell.”

“You though Brandon killed her? Is he that kind of guy?” Dan asked now feeling very concerned.

“Dude you’re dealing with a military meathead, he’s killed people in combat before and bragged about it so I wouldn’t put it past him if he either got angry enough or fucked up enough or whatever like you just never know dude. He doesn’t have the greatest of temperaments. I mean… Uh… Amalthea?”  
“Thea is fine.”  
“Thea, you never said much but one of your big things agains the whole military complex was that well— Dad was kind of abusive to us in that kind of ‘being a bully chief of the house’ sort of way so who knows what you would have taken from Brandon and thought it was normal behaviour, I mean we kind of put up with a lot when we were kids and it’s only been kinda recently that I’ve even been dealing with that…”

The conversation sort of trailed off there into an awkward silence before Thea started to ask quiet questions about David and his life.

He talked a lot, which reminded Thea a little of Dan sometimes with that flowing, candid speech and how easy he was to laugh as well. She found out he did programming, was quite the pothead, had been living in Seattle which is why their Father had gone there. Even though David didn’t have much to do with him since Mable wasn’t one to deal with the family any final care-taking their Dad needed fell to David. 

“I should go see him.”  
“Nah, I wouldn’t.” David admitted. “He was an ass and he’s an even bigger one now that he knows he’s going to die. He’d try to tear down everything you’ve got going for you right now and— Well, he got kinda pissed when we thought Brandon might have done something to you but when Brandon told him you’d just left and were with him, Dad wrote you out of his will already so there’s nothing for you there but a pissed off old bully.”  
“I…”

Dan’s hand ran gently through her hair giving a strand of it a tiny tug to pull her out of her own head and to look at him. “You don’t owe him a thing babygirl, /you/ don’t know him and he doesn’t seem to deserve to get to know you now.”  
“But… He’s my father. Shouldn’t that mean something?”  
“Only if you want it to Love. Choice is yours and you don’t have to make it now.”

Thea nodded and as they looked up at David who was watching them with a little smile and an enamoured grin on his face Dan blushed. “What?”  
“You’re really sweet on her huh?”  
“I— Well. Yeah.” He could feel his face getting hot.  
“Nah dude it’s good. I’m glad. So, Thea… Tell me about you.”

David got used to how Thea spoke to him now, how her eyes would close and she would sometimes have to cover her ears in order to block everything out so she could dive deep into what memories she had. She talked about her job, being a general gopher and editor and happy to be helpful in a fun, if not slightly testosterone fuelled environment. She talked about her schedule and hobbies, making things with Holly, Kati and Suzy, biking with Vernon, taking up dancing with Dan. Her journals and writing and hopes to work on that and maybe one day make something more of it.

Dan filled in about his life, what he did with the Game Grumps and his band, but mostly he just talked like he always did, funny stories leaving the table breathless with laughter making the time melt away until the shop clerks weren’t /telling/ them to get out but were /deeply implying it/ what with some pointed coughing and mopping the floor around them.

“I’ll keep in touch yeah? There’s stuff Mom would have wanted you to have and I’ll make sure you get it but don’t be a stranger now. You’re… You’re different but you’re still my big sister yeah?”

“I will, no more disappearing from me I promise.” Thea hugged him and even Dan got in on the hugging action giving David a pretend gruff,  
“Keep your nose clean.” Before cracking into giggles and fist bumping him. “420 errydaiiii”  
“You know it Boiiiii”

They watched as David drove off to his hotel an early day tomorrow for him to drive back up to Seattle but with promises that they would no longer be strangers.

“You okay babe?” Dan asked arm around Thea as she went quiet and thoughtful, this time trying to hold onto this man who was her family, the family she wanted to remember.  
“Yeah. Yeah, I am.”


	8. Don't pretend, d-d-d-don't pretend

Things weren’t bad but they weren’t good.

Dan was being distant...

Brandon was fighting the divorce.

I had gone to the judge already explaining my position, that I didn’t have any memories of him, that I was a different person than before, that any finances and objects he could keep I didn’t want nor care about any of that, all I wanted was out of a contract made by a woman I no longer was.

Brandon had gone to the judge pandering to his patriotism, to the loyalty as a wife I was supposed to have and that he was willing to forgive, playing the concerned husband, throwing Dan completely under the bus as some kidnapping mastermind who had brainwashed me. None of the things I could say could be trusted, nothing Dan said could be trusted

Medical papers had to be handed over, case files from my hit and run, my therapist had to go in to speak with the judge, a couples counselling had to take place forcing me to spend time with Brandon. 

And Dan, he'd tried to help at first but was pulling away…

I tried not to burden him with this as much as I could, tried to keep my own appointments, work with Brent and the lawyers as well as I could. Not just to protect him but also since I had to prove to the judge that I could, that I wasn’t mentally incapable of taking care of myself. Brandon was trying to play the card that I wasn’t fit to make my own medical decisions due to my brain injury and that he then would be my legal caretaker.

That was a terrifying court appearance having that dropped on me and a sudden test of my mental abilities with the looming threat that I could be dragged away by a man I didn’t know afterward, institutionalized, given over to him like a thing…

Dan was furious.

Hi anger was a quiet storm, a glass calm pool that was almost terrifying since you had no idea what was under it.

What was under it was fear, rage, tears.

I’d seen him cry before, he could cry if the right song suddenly started playing on the radio, cry at a sad movie, get a little misty eye’d at the dumbest things.

But he’d cried that night when we got home, grabbing me the minute we were in the door, just holding me while his body shook and his breathing got hard. Holding me like if he let me go I would disappear and he would break.

His arms tightly around me didn’t hurt nearly as much as my heart did.

That we’d made love afterward in a strange desperate way didn’t help to push back that fear, that anger, that look in his eyes of being tired and disappointed.

(with me?) 

It was the last time he touched me. Throwing himself into work, sleeping on the sofa when he came home, keeping me an arms length away.

Killing both of us because what else could we do?

It was a fine line we needed to walk, to prove that I was as damaged as I was claiming, that I had no reason to have loyalty to Brandon and that he was a stranger to me and therefore the marriage should be nullified. And to prove that I was whole enough to make that kind of decision on my own, that I wasn’t being coerced or influenced by anyone else, that I didn’t need to be cared for.

Time became slow as molasses, each day’s challenges dragging on me body and soul. 

I felt like a bird in a hurricane, desperate to find home but unsure if it I would make it.  
Or if it would still be there when the storm passed.

I didn’t really notice the effect it was having on me until Dan woke me up one late morning, my body feeling like there were ants crawling under my skin, burrowing painfully into my joints.

“Thea… Are you okay? Usually you’re up by now.” He sat on the edge of the bed closest to me, not that it meant much considering how damn huge the thing was. I wiggled closer, wanting to be near him, this was the closest he’d been to me in what felt like months but was probably only a week or two. 

So used to his daily touches that I felt like a starving person leaning into his cool hand on my forehead, making a sad noise when he pulled it away.

“You’re not that warm but— I’ll get the thermometer.”  
“Dan.” I sat up trying to follow after him, making him turn and look at me, face full of worry that turned into a mild panic when my stomach rolled and I let out the warning. “I’m gonna throw up.”

“No-nononono!” A mad dash to a tiny trashcan he had next to his dresser passed to me just in time to catch my bile filled stomach. 

It was a good thing I was in the habit of double bagging those. 

He tried to pull my hair out of my face but it was at that perfect length that the moment I bent forward it was all near my mouth, but the noises he made were more concerned than anything else.

He gently coaxed me into the bathroom, helping me strip, sitting with me quietly while I took a shower. I could hear him talking softly on the phone, probably calling the office telling them we wouldn’t be in that day.

I was pulling him from work again.

I darted out of the shower, my stomach clenching again as I released more bile into the toilet. Dan turning off the spray and wrapping a towel around me, rubbing my back while I prayed to the porcelain Gods for my suffering to end. 

“Maybe you’re pregnant.” Dan lamely joked which then made the both of us freeze for slightly different reasons.

“Thea, do— Could you be pregnant?”

A part of me heard him but I wasn’t there anymore, my mind was scratching, throwing up memories that had my stomach roll worse, I was somewhere else, flashes of memory playing in reverse.

“Don’t you fucking walk out on me!”

“Could you get pregnant from that?”

“I can’t believe you would take the condom off are you insane!? I don’t want to have children, not now! Not with…”

“Lets go on a trip”

“Lets have a baby.”

Brandon. 

I could remember he’d been pressuring me for children, but that I was on birth control.  
I could remember we were taking a trip, we’d never had our honeymoon and I was getting stircrazy with him gone most of the time and him pressuring me to just stay home and do nothing but wait for him. Wanting me to have children to fill that void but I had no desire for that.  
I remembered I didn’t have my birth control on the trip, but that he bought condoms…  
Bought them and then took them off while we’d had sex in a hotel room.

“How could you do that? You know that I’m off my birth control right now because YOU fucking forgot my bathroom bag at the house, you…”  
“Could you get pregnant from this?”  
He’d sounded so hopeful and I…  
“You son of a bitch, you fucking planned this. You’re trying to get me knocked up.”  
“You’re my wife! I want to have a family with you, is that so fucking much to ask?”

I’d yelled, he’d thrown things, I walked out, going to a pharmacy to get Plan B while he threatened divorce but I hadn’t cared.

I’d wanted that for a while myself.

“I came back to the hotel and he’d left. He took the car, checked out and left. All I had was my jacket and wallet and what I was wearing…”

I didn’t even realize I had been talking, describing the memories as best as I could as they came to me in fragmented shards, some digging into my brain, forever to be remembered, some falling away back into the abyss but maybe Dan would have them, second hand knowledge of me that he could use to coax more memories out from. 

“That’s why I was out there that day… I was trying to get home.”  
“Where’d you get the bike from?”  
“I… Don’t know… Maybe I stole it?”

Dan was quiet as he helped me dry off and get dressed again. I felt hot and prickly, skin too tight and mind too busy and full. Feeling anger fresh from something that happened years ago but that felt for me like it had just happened seconds ago.

“Babe— Do you.” Dan looked a little nervous, still not having gotten his answer from before. “Do you think you could be pregnant?”

He was usually careful, neither of us ready for that.   
Not yet.  
Certainly not now.

With a hand over my lower abdomen I tried to sense if anything was actually happening there, should I be able to tell? Wasn’t there some kind of an instinct there to tell me?

I felt dread in my gut... What if?

“I don’t know…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ENJOY THE CLIFFHANGER FOR A WHILE CUS I WANNA BE AN ASSHOLE AND SEE IF Y'ALL SQUIRM.


	9. With headlines and flash, flash, flash photography

Dan’s stomach was in his throat while he went to a pharmacy and probably pissed off at least three clerks asking a million questions about the accuracy of each pregnancy test he could get his hands on, before turning that energy homeward making Thea chug water and take all of them, pleading and begging her to do so despite her already surly mood. More than willing to deal with her general snippiness at the whole thing so that he could know, and having strangely mixed feelings when each one came back negative.

As Thea’s more flu-like symptoms steadily progressed into a cough and runny nose alongside bouts of vomiting it was apparent he’d worked himself up over nothing.

A part of him was glad, he was in no position right now to have a kid, trying to get a divorce pushed though for his hopeful fiancee, ages away from having their wedding even in the ballpark of planned, all the work he was scrambling to keep on top of and new projects he was insisting on taking on in spite of all the personal drama taking place.

But at part of him was a little disappointed as well. He wasn’t getting any younger and he did love his nephews and Brian’s daughter Audrey, it was a thought, something maybe he wanted one day and wouldn’t feel anything but joy at even if that day was today.

Still that was a conversation they probably needed to have, just not today.

It was good to get a day off, but maybe he should have taken more time to reflect, gone to see his own therapist about the added stress instead of throwing himself into making sure Thea was okay, take a little ‘him’ time.

It ate at him, what she’d said.

How could a man do that? Abandon someone miles away from home because they wouldn’t let you impregnate them? What kind of fucked up mentality was that?  
Dan had seen enough women around him go through childbirth to know it wasn’t an easy thing to ask, children were hard, they were a lifetime of being hard and forcing someone into that position.

It was…

Just the thought of it made his stomach churn and his teeth hurt from the set in his jaw as he tried to breath deeply and brush it from his mind. A task becoming difficult as Thea’s flu turned into a persistent cold which was mostly just her body fighting against stress which Brandon seemed more than happy to continue to pile on her. He got it in small clips that Thea would gently dance around that the other man was becoming more persistent, more bullying in their sessions, that every memory that she brought up of him was both questioned as being invalid and false and as proof that she did know him and her desire for a divorce was a sham.

But according to Brent he was simply going through his death throes since their couples sessions were coming to a close and the divorce was going to be pushed through whether he liked it or not, especially since Thea was asking for nothing from him in return and letting him keep everything she had originally brought into the relationship.

It was almost over, he just had to remind himself, so close to being done.

He hoped he didn’t fuck any of that up…

When he’d decked the bastard.

Dan didn’t even know how he’d found the house, but there he was, on the property, talking to Thea when he’d come home, standing too close, Thea acting too quiet and him acting too loud.   
And Dan? He’d tried to be pleasant to the fucker, oh Dan had tried so hard. Smiling and joking, inviting him in for tea and all how-do-you-do.  
And he almost got away with it, it seemed like Brandon had finally given up, dropping off a few family keepsakes for Thea, things he had no reason to keep and was doing them a kindness to return them since he absolutely didn’t have to. 

But that he could feel Thea’s hand trembling as it touched his elbow while they stood in the doorway making nice. That he’d looked at her with a upturned nose congratulating them on their upcoming nuptials. That she was rubbing her arm while refusing to make eye contact with anyone…

That he’d muttered “wouldn’t want to fuck a retard anyway.”

Dan had a brief moment of understanding for a fraction of a second what Thea must go through everyday. He didn’t even know what had happened just that he was standing there with his fist on FIRE and a strange feeling of satisfaction seeing the other man holding his face.

Satisfaction that immediately bled into absolute dread as Brandon turned on him and another gap in time where in the next instance he was aware of himself he was in the hospital with a broken hand and both of his eyes swollen shut.

“This is why I’m a lover not a fighter…” He was able to joke once he felt his brain had finally settled between his ringing ears.

“Shut up you dummy.” Thea’s voice was tight, a cross between her having been crying, being mad, and still trying not to laugh.

“Well if I’m a dummy and you’re marrying me what does that make you?”

“Don’t push your luck, my low standards might change Bub.”


	10. Style your wake for fashion magazines

Dan was lucky.

Lucky that I had called the police the moment I looked out the door and saw Brandon there.

Lucky I was able to convince Brandon to stop beating him and just leave before the cops showed up.

Lucky I didn’t finish the job of beating him to death considering how proud he was acting as though getting the shit kicked out of you on your own front lawn was some badge of honour. 

I was lucky.

Lucky Dan had come home when he did.

Lucky he wasn’t mad at me for what had happened. 

Lucky that Brandon had finished with the both of us and hopefully was not coming back.

But after that much luck it had to run out sometime.

David came by more to visit, he’d been coming down every once in a while finding LA to agree with him and enjoying that he had a spare room in our house to stay in when he came down. While he wouldn’t touch the pipe David brought with him Dan might have taken a nibble or two of some homemade confectionaries that my brother had offered him rendering them both a fuzzy giggly mess for a few hours in the living room.

Dan was in pretty bad pain since he was trying to avoid taking the opiate type of pain killers, stating they just made him feel out of his body and upset his delicate stomach.

Time passed and he healed, David’s visits became less frequent until he called one day.

“Did you decide if you wanted to see Dad or not?” 

It was a thought I’d been mulling around since Brandon had mentioned months ago that the man had been ill, possibly dying. Did I want to meet this man whom I only had small bitter memories of? Would it make a difference? Should my strongest memory of him be one of him dying in a hospital bed, bitterly scorning my life choices?

“Yeah… No I don’t really want to. He doesn’t know me, and I don’t think he ever knew me even back then.”

“Oh good.”

That was an odd reply.

“He kicked it last night so I was worried you wanted more warning if you were thinking of coming up to see him.”

Oh well then.

“Should I come to the funeral?”

“Totes up to you Sis, no real point to it unless you feel like kicking shit with Mable, she doesn’t want you to come.”

“I’m finding a sudden urge to attend…”

I didn’t go.

A part of me felt bad that I didn’t feel bad, but I’d been feeling that way about a lot of things lately. Distant, analytical, uncaring.

Some part of me felt worried by these emotions but I also couldn’t really bring myself to care too much about where they were stemming from. My frozen heart felt safer than the nausiating worry I had because although I was once again a single woman, unattached, and free to be with Dan. 

He was still a little distant.

And I had gotten so cold that I wasn’t sure if I could care.

Scared of what would happen once I did.


	11. They say your head can be a prison

Dan came home after being away for nearly a week 

to his ring on the table

And a stillness in his head.

He could hear the sink in the kitchen drip.

Once, twice, he counted it to ten.

Ten was a good number.

Even.

/Breathe/

He sucked in a gulp of air, not realizing how his chest was burning without it until he started breathing again.  
Logic came first, she took it off for some perfectly mundane reason, and just forgot to put it back on again.

But why place it perfectly in the centre of a cleared off table?

So she could see it obviously when she was done and remember to put it back on.

But why didn’t she then?

Because she must have been distracted by something else.

What could have distracted her?

Anything really if it disrupted her routine.

How long has it been there?

Couldn’t have been that long.

Are you sure? When was the last time you talked to her?

This mornin— No, last night. Well afternoon… Was that yesterday?

/Breathe/

Thea never came into the house with many things, and she was very non-materialistic. What she owned was carefully stored away so when he walked through the house, needing to remember to take a breath as each open door revealed no sign of her familiar terrible thoughts bubbled up.

She’d been so emotionally dull lately.  
Had she been taking her medication?  
When was the last appointment with her therapist?  
Didn’t she give a bunch of stuff to charity recently?  
She knew he was coming home today didn’t she?  
Did she forget?  
Or did she…

Did she—

/Breathe/

Why isn’t she answering her phone…

“Barry”  
“Holly”  
“Pam”  
“Kati”  
“Suzy”  
/“Is Thea with You?”/

‘No. Why?’

/Breathe/

“Hey! Vern! Um, is Thea with you? Call me back like as soon as you can!”   
He needed to sit down, he felt dizzy. He was being stupid, she just forgot the ring, that’s how she was, forgetful, it didn’t mean anything. She just forgot her phone somewhere, she was forgetful—

She wouldn’t…

The room felt so small and he couldn’t-

He got the phone on the first two notes of it’s jingle

“Hey Dan? Thea’s with me, you okay? Did you need her for something?”  
“Ohhh thankyouVern…” The air that was so thin and stale around him suddenly became abundant his entire body relaxing. “Why isn’t she answering her phone?”  
“Dunno…” Dan could hear him asking her and caught the faint ‘oh shit’ “Her battery’s dead. You want to talk to her?”

A part of him did, ask her why she wasn’t wearing her ring, get steamed at her for making him worry, but he was just glad she was okay, and didn’t need to put that on her now. “Nah, I’ll talk to her when she gets home. Just wanted to know where she was, thanks.”

***

“Yeah, talk to you later… Bye.” Vernon hung up the phone and looked at Thea who was laying on the grass. 

They’d road around a lot today, not far and not fast but just plugging along for a while, usually they’d race or adventure but Thea wasn’t feeling it. Really Vernon had to whine a lot to get her out there at all. She hadn’t gone riding since the whole thing with her ex-husband started and it was obvious that stress was getting to her. The whole office had a weird energy for the longest time with everyone pretending that nothing was wrong and while in some areas it had relaxed Dan still seemed a little off and Thea was progressively getting quieter. 

One would usually think it was because of all the other work being done but when he saw that Thea had taken off her ring after Dan had left needing to go deal with a few weeks worth of musical things at CDBaby’s headquarters Vernon got worried.

“So… What’s going on with you two?” Might as well be direct.  
“Nothing.”  
“That’s a very defensive sounding nothing.”  
“Nothing and fuck off?”  
“Woah Thea Jeeze, sorry I didn’t mean to bug you that much god.”  
“Sorry…”  
“No, it’s my fault, if you don’t wanna talk about it, it’s okay.”

They sat there quietly for a while.

“I…”

Vernon waited before gently pressing. “I promise I won’t repeat anything you say if you don’t want me to.”

“I just… Don’t want anyone to worry, I don’t want… I don’t want to upset anyone.”  
“What would upset everyone?”  
“A lot of things.”  
“You can talk about it if you want to.”  
“I’m just… I’m… I’m tired.”  
“Like right now or…”  
“Of everything.” Thea sighed closing her eyes. “I just feel tired, just all day I’m tired, I don’t want to do anything I just want to sleep and even when I sleep I’m tired, I’m just so tired and I’m fucking tired of being tired.”  
“That’s kind of how depression is isn’t it?”  
“I guess, I dunno, it used to be just me feeling scared all the time, and upset, and raw, but now it’s just… I don’t feel anything except tired.”  
“Maybe you need a vacation?”  
“Can’t… We’re all so busy and I know I’m not pulling my weight—“  
“That’s not true.”  
“—It is true, I’m not an idiot I know that my quality and quantity of everything has gone down.”  
“Really it hasn’t considering everything you do.”  
“Please don’t pander.”  
“I’m not! I swear you fucking do loads, if this is you being lazy then fuck the rest of us? We do jack-shit most of the time.”

Thea gave that a moment to think about before she just seemed to ignore it and continue on her original plot.  
“We’re busy and I just don’t want to do anything I don’t want to… I don’t want to plan a wedding, I don’t want to get married, and I don’t want to tell Dan cus I don’t want to deal with any of it.”  
“Well then, what do you want?”  
“Nothing… To sleep…”  
“You should probably talk to your therapist.”  
“I knoooooowww.” She whined and closed her eyes going quiet again. 

Vernon wanted to ask more, press her for answers about why she might be feeling this way but he knew sometimes mental illness could be just that way, and she had been having a seriously bad time of it lately so he kept his mouth shut. Thea got up soon enough with a pretty fake “Whelp lets go, bikes not gonna get itself home.”

He wished he hadn’t promised not to say anything.


	12. People will dissect us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grab tissue.

Even when Dan was younger and going through his more awkward teen phase he never really had trouble talking. Sure he had trouble saying the right thing, not saying something really stupid or just not funny or things that made sense especially if a pretty girl was involved but simply not wanting to talk, avoiding talking wasn’t really something he did much.

He was avoiding this.

Thea could be quiet at times, more of a listener in general since often she had difficulty following the flow of a conversation she would just listen as best she could. Dan had learned that when she closed her eyes when he spoke it wasn’t that she was bored or sleeping but that she was really listening, and to these stories were the ones that she often remembered details of. He’d find her listening to Arin and his grump sessions with her eyes closed and a serene smile on her face when he talked about his childhood or memories he had, he liked seeing it when he spoke to her at home, regaling her with the adventures of his youth since she had none to tell but occasionally a fragment would come loose and he would listen raptly to those little pearls of her memory.

She was avoiding this.

The ring sat on the table after she came home, Dan pretended he was asleep already and didn’t comment in the morning when he did wake up to the realization she hadn’t come to bed with him…

He didn’t comment when he noticed getting dressed that some of her things were missing from their room…  
He didn’t comment when he realized she’d moved into the guest room, originally meant to be hers but never slept in by her until now…  
He didn’t comment and so they didn’t talk, the house going strangely silent with a building tension of something set to break…

He was being stupid, he knew he was being stupid, everyone at the office had zero problem informing him at length he was being stupid.

“Talk to her.”

It was so easy, such an easy thing to do, come home, sit at the table, look her in the eye, open your mouth and…

/choke/

What if

What if she said she wanted to break up.

What if she said she didn’t love him.

What if she said she regretted the divorce.

What if, What if, What if—

“Talk to her”

He and Thea shared a therapist and while Dr. Montgomery couldn’t exactly divulge secrets between their individual sessions she did offer to have them both take a session together if Dan wanted a safe space and a mediator to whatever they clearly needed to discuss. They were at one of the most stressful points in a relationship and their breakdown of even the most basic communication was clearly tearing them apart more than anything they could possibly say to one another.

A ring on the table and two ghosts who couldn’t even look at one another let alone—

He’d come home and laid on the sofa, tired from the day.   
He was lonely.   
He was engaged (was he?) and living with someone (truly?) and he was aching with being lonely.

Arin had threatened to lock him in a closet with Thea until the two of them figured their shit out, while it wasn’t affecting Thea’s work at all, she’d mostly taken to editing KKG and helping Suzy run her Esty more than any specific Grump work any longer so it wasn’t like people had to deal with them awkwardly around the office, but Dan could mask his emotions only to a point from those who knew him well enough and the excuse of “I’ve just been working too hard, don’t worry about it.” would go so far before he’d gotten pinned down and the truth wrangled out of him.

Followed shortly by threats of intervention.

He didn’t even realize anyone else was home until he heard a sharp noise, similar to a dog yelp, and a louder thump, startling him off the sofa with a jump.

“Thea?”

He felt like he was in one of those horror games that people insisted that he play more of even though this was the exact feeling he hated. The darkened hallway, a light flicking in the bathroom, a door slightly ajar, and his mind full force imagining every terrible horrific thing that could be seen there.

“Thea please for the love of all that is good in the world please don’t, don’t, don’t fuck with me like this…” He begged not wanting to go down the hall at all but knowing he needed to.

He’d never been good with blood.

He froze for what felt like far too long, considering how much red there was already, the bathmat no longer a baby-blue but a dark wet red, it wasn’t right, the angles of her body were just not right.

His stomach rolled with a strange sense of deja vu and he swallowed hard mouth moving but no words coming out just yet…

A scream, short and terrified as blank eyes blinked and then focused on him.

“Shit, shitshit fuck shit Thea fuck don’t move I’m, I’ll, I gotta…”  
“Ammblance…” She filled in for him with a slur, ignoring his ‘don’t move’ advice to put her limbs in a much more natural manner trying to push herself up.

When he came back the room looked even more like a murder scene with bloody handprints streaked across the floor where she’d crawled to the toilet to throw up.

“Ohh baby, baby what did you do??” It was hard to ignore the blood but he gabbed a clean towel from under the sink, hushing her protests as he pressed it to the side of her head where the blood seemed to be most thick.

God there was so much blood.

“D-don’t… k-know.” Her teeth were chattering and she gagged, dry heaving again, Dan steadying her when she started to tilt. 

The light flickered again and he could see a box of bulbs on the counter.  
Why would she…

He closed his eyes remembering she had, in quiet passing, mentioned the main bathroom light was going out, and he’d—

“I fucked up. God I fucked up.”

All he got was a soft whimper in reply.

***

Be careful what you wish for. Or threaten one would suppose.

Forcing two idiots into a quiet room for hours on end is what their friends had wanted and other than the addition of 3 stitches and a pint of blood on the bathroom floor there were indeed two idiots in a room together neither of which were allowed to leave since one of them had to keep the other awake due to a very unsurprising concussion. 

Dan started the apology train, she had asked him to fix that light, something he could have done with both feet steadily on the ground and taken little time but he’d forgotten and since they were in that weird ‘not fighting but not talking’ place she hadn’t wanted to bother him about it again so she’d climbed up onto the counter to do it, and slipped, and cracked her head clear open on the towel bar.

He was an idiot, she was an idiot, the ER nurse had no problem informing them both of it, as did Arin, and Suzy, since Dan had to call in for the both of them to miss work the next day inviting the worried pair to come and harass him, make sure he got a clean outfit so he wasn’t wandering the hospital looking like a serial killer, heading back to the house for them so either of them didn’t have to deal with the gory mess there.   
(Suzy had been able to clean it up, Arin apparently had to go sit on the sofa and breathe into a paper bag. Thea snickered softly at that and Dan saw her text Suzy back a rolling eye face and ’Men’)

 

“Thea?”  
“Mn.”  
“You gotta stay awake.”  
“I know, the light just hurts my eyes.”  
“Do you want me to get the nurse?”  
“No it’s fine, I just want to keep my eyes shut.”  
“Do you need anything?”  
“I’m fine.”  
“Are you sure? Water or something? Are you in pain? I can—“  
“I’m fine Dan.”  
“… Thea.”  
“Mn..”  
“Why aren’t you wearing your ring anymore?”

There it was, out in the open, the elephant on the kitchen table that they’d valiantly ignored for weeks now.

“Because… You don’t want me to.”  
“What?” Dan felt confused by the answer, but under that a strange stirring of deeper guilt.

“When I remember things. I know that they must be important because they’re all I have…” He still didn’t understand what she was saying but it was becoming clear. “When was the last time we slept together? Not even had sex but shared a bed? The last time you even touched me? The last time we went out on a date? I remember every date night we’ve had and we never missed one until… You were busy, and you were busy again, and you don’t look at me the same anymore and I can see it and I remember it and I don’t want— I know y— I just— Please can we not do this here? I… fuck Dan I can’t. Not yet.”

He’d fucked up.

He knew he’d fucked up.

He was blaming her as though Thea was the one who had been initiating everything, he’d placed their whole relationship on the table alongside the ring and decided that she was the one who’d put it there not him.

And then he’d ignore it not wanting to take responsibility for what he knew was going to happen because he knew, on some level he knew what he’d been doing by pushing her away inch by inch.

Give her space she’s stressed.  
Don’t pressure her, she’s got too much to deal with.  
Stay away so you don’t influence the choices she needs to make.  
Avoid her so she can’t tell you it’s over.  
Wait for her to tell you.

Excuses, all of them excuses he’d been telling himself as he waited for her to come to the conclusion he came to the day Brent had told him Thea was already married.

That it was over.  
He’d known it was over.  
He just wanted her to say it first.

And he was the shithead killing her trying to force her to say it when it had been the last thing she wanted.

She’d been fighting all this time and him?

He’d done this.

“Talk to her”

He had been talking to her for months without realizing it, saying the same thing over and over again and only now did he realize she’d been listening. 

Eyes closed she’d heard every word.

Quietly and slowly he got up, too ashamed to look at her he slunk out of the room.

What else could he say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm an assholllllllle-oli-oli-o~


	13. Til this doesn't mean a thing anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> might need more tissue.

I was and was not sleeping.

We were and were not talking.

This was better as much as it was worse.

It was hard for me. I used to be able to rely on him when my mind went blank and I would get lost for days in my head. When I would ‘wake up’ in the middle of a task confused at how I got there or what I was doing it was always Dan I would seek first to tell me what had happened and now I didn’t want to go to him anymore, I felt I couldn’t…

The ring was off of the table and we’d fallen into a strange routine, more like roommates struggling to be friends, not quite sure where we stood but not quite wanting to let go but knowing that things were not the same as they were before. 

Sometimes I would be doing something and he would come into the same room and just watch me to the point that it made me want to leave… But then he would just start talking. 

Talking about his day, about the weather, about the silly thoughts he had, filling up the room with the sound of his voice until I had finished whatever task I had been working on and he’d finished whatever story he was telling and would trail off so we’d wander our separate ways.

It took some time but eventually his rambling began taking a route, a story of apology and reflection that I couldn’t completely string together where he was going but I understood that he didn’t want us to be like this but didn’t know how to fix it.

Neither did I really. I was still in a small, scared space where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to try but even more scared of what would happen if I totally gave up.

Time was broken, blank sheets of paper with writing smudged out, I can’t honestly say if I encouraged or discouraged him in his attempts to fix what had broken between us because I was so gone most of the time.

Fragments came back to me. Dan with me while I did my errands at the office, him following me on my walks in the morning, us sitting together watching movies at night.

I would fall asleep on the sofa, not remembering how I got to bed wasn’t unusual, it took a few weeks for me to have vague recollection of being carried.

I could remember coming back into my head. 

It’s hard to describe the sensation other than waking up, except you were awake before and doing things but then suddenly you forget what you had done. Maybe more like walking into a room and knowing you came in there for something but you can’t remember what, but then realizing you also couldn’t remember walking into the room, or anything else from that entire day.

It used to panic me every time this happened, then just once in a while, now I was so used to it I barely became uncomfortable, just checked my schedule and went onto whatever task I thought I needed to do next.   
Except this time I’d walked into Dan’s room and apparently had just been standing there for a while, gears in my brain spinning uselessly until he spoke and I’d realized what I was doing.

“Thea? Hey did you need something?”  
“Sorry… I… Sorry no I don’t remember what I was doing.”  
“Hey, No don’t, you’re okay it’s fine.”  
“I…Yeah...” I turned to leave but then stopped again by the door, needlepoint memories digging in of the last month, of him trying, of me just floating by and I could remember that I was there because I'd had enough.

“Dan… I’m sorry, not for— I— I’m sorry for everything. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable around me anymore and— And I know we’re fucked up and I haven’t been helping that I’m jus—”  
“It’s okay—“  
“It’s not!” I turned around to see his face change from tired resignation to a startled surprise at my outburst. “Look, you can be mad if you want, I fucked up just as much, and you can tell me to go I know I’m not easy to live with and you don’t deserve this bullshit—”  
“Hey Theas no—”  
“I don’t want to you be uncomfortable around me! I know you think you fucked up and are trying to fix that but you don’t owe me anything but I— I don’t want us like this, barely holding on, even if we’re just friends that’s all I want, for us to just, at least be friends.”

My voice cracked and I looked down, unable to hold eye-contact as my vision blurred and my chest burned. I backed up as he got up, cornering me while making soothing sounds, so familiar which just made the tears falling from my eyes come worse.

“Thea… Thea look at me… You know I still love you right?” 

I leaned into his hand that he placed on my head, closing my eyes in the nostalgic feeling of bliss that I’d missed for so long, my heart still breaking a little because this still felt too much like a goodbye.

“If you want to move out you can move out, but I want you to stay. I know that we’re both in a weird place right now but I still love you. I fucked this up Theas. Me not you. Instead of being there for you with all that past life shit I let it get to me and mentally checked out and I’m the one who is sorry and I’m the one who needs to make up for that and I’m still fucking up b-because—“

He stopped and had to take a deep breath and giggled while he sniffled now rubbing at his own eyes with a small ‘shit’ trying to get control over his own emotions.

"I fucked up and I'm still fucking up if you think that I don't want you here." His hands on the side of my head to make me look at him we were both crying but Dan struggled through it so that I understood, so that I would remember. "I love you, don’t cut me out thinking you’re doing me a favour because I love you. Fuzzy brain and bad days and mysterious fucked up past and all. I love you.”

Wrapping my arms around his waist and putting my face into his chest, finally home, the both of us stupidly crying and holding onto each other. Found again in the dark, permitted to finally heal.

 

“Arin was right wasn’t he?”  
“Hmn?”  
“We’re both fucking idiots aren’t we?”  
“Kinda yeah.”

“But we’re okay?”

 

“Yeah. We will be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *twizzles evil moustache so hard it falls off*
> 
> SHIT!


	14. With smiles on our faces

“Shut up you… You fucking… Furry pool noodle!”  
“Pool—“ Dan cracks up laughing hysterically while Thea fumed. She had a competitive streak in her although she was terrible at video games and a little bit of a sore loser although you think she’d be used to it since she almost never won. “Oh baby, baby come here.”

“Fuck off!”

“Shhh baby, darling, lovey” He put down his controller sliding off the sofa to wrap a squirming Thea up in a hug while she cried indignantly against his affections. “You are so cute you try so hard to be mean.”

“YOU Q-TIP ASS… OF JACKING OFF… FACE!”

“O-Oh my G-od” He was barely able to get that out, falling directly onto Thea pinning her under him while he clung to her and laughed himself to the point of gasping snorts of air making her start to laugh too unable to even pretend to be angry in the face of his stupid giggles. 

“You are worse than Arin at trying to insult someone.”  
“Suck all of my dicks.”  
“I love you.”  
“Stupid giraffe face.”  
“I love you.”  
“Asswrench.”  
“I love you.”  
“… I love you too.” Thea grumbles as though she’s lost an argument reluctant to let it go even though it’s getting her tickly scratchy kisses along her cheek and neck. “Gerooff me you monkey.”

“Nooo I love you~ And you love me~ So now you must suffer.”

“UGH FINE.” She sighs like it’s so hard for her to deal with all of his affection but the second he starts to pull back even a little she’s returning his cuddles until they’re a tangle of snuggly limbs slowly going numb due to being on the uncomfortable ground pinned with chords and blankets.

To the both of them, this is heaven.

They had created a new normal; Thea spent a little time more at the main office, she worked with her brother, a lawyer and investigator to clear up her past, legally changing her name. For the two of them date nights returned, and once a month couples therapy was added. The sessions were tough but good, pulling out of them the little truths that often people hid from one another, trying to save hurt feelings but without addressing them even small problems could build up into bigger ones.

Dan was able to finally confess to himself that Thea’s memory issues did legitimately bother him, but that he felt guilt for that since they weren’t her fault, which was where a lot of the tension from before had originated. Thea admitted to Dan being the root of a lot of her anxiety because of her fear of abandonment, which was understandable considering some of the baggage she carried from her past that she didn’t always recall but still existed somewhere in her mind. 

They worked through it by following the advice that they had been pummelled with from the very start of their problems, /talking about it/ and yet so many people fell apart by simple being too scared to do just that.

But Dan still felt the crawling sensation of something missing.

He worked hard to make up to Thea all the stress he’d caused her. He worked hard to make up Brian and Arin about not being all there at work. He worked hard to fix everything until it was not just back to where things were before but running even better.

And yet still something nagged at him.

Thea came into their bedroom, having moved back in there with him, to put away some clean laundry. Dan wiggled his toes at her from his position on he bed, not doing much other than pissing around on the internet and messaging some friends on Skype about things they might want to do next week.

“Oh.”  
“Hm?” Dan looked up to see Thea moving things around one of his drawers to put some of his things away, he hoped he’d never get over that slightly tickled feeling of gratitude of having someone around who did that for him.

“Ah-uh nothing.” She looked up at him and he gave her the look that he was picking up from their therapist that told them to stop bullshitting and be honest.  
Shrugging she reached in his drawer and pulled out a familiar little black box.

“Oh.”

And suddenly it clicked.

“I /am/ a fucking idiot.”

Thea cocked her head confused but it faded into a smile as he grinned bouncing up from the bed taking the box from her and dropping to his knee.

“Amalthea, I love you. I want to wake up with you in the morning and have you in my arms when I sleep, I want you to steal all my covers and put your cold hands on my back like an asshole, I want you to steal my food because it tastes better off my plate and eat your weird cooking because it only tastes good when you make it. I want you to put up with me being a moron for the rest of our lives. Will you do me the absolute honour of being my wife.”

“You’re a dummy.”

“But can I be your dummy?”

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.
> 
> Thanks for suffering through all this with me, I'm quite proud I don't think I've ever actually hit an ending for anything I've ever written before.
> 
> I’m not going to do a part 4 but I will do a short story/request chapter/idk just whenever I feel like writing a scene compilation to this series that’ll just be random clips from both future and past involving Thea and the Grumps. I felt like this story was really heavily Dan/Thea focused (which is fine) but I do want to explore more of her interactions with the other people in her life. Plus I know I'll always have these characters kind of bumming around in the back of my head when I want to think about something stupidly cuddly so maybe I'll share some of that.
> 
> There are no happy endings, because nothing really ends.  
> But I hope this is pretty damn close.


End file.
